


The Abyss, Gazing Back

by mandalorian



Series: As Golden As the Sun [9]
Category: Heaven Official´s Blessing, 天官赐福 - 墨香铜臭 | Tiān Guān Cì Fú - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
Genre: Beware, Devastation type violence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:15:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26343970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandalorian/pseuds/mandalorian
Summary: He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you. -Friedrich Nietzsche
Relationships: HeHuaLian - Relationship, Hè Xuán/Huā Chéng/Xiè Lián
Series: As Golden As the Sun [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1886800
Comments: 10
Kudos: 44





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please be aware of the Angst™ and also some Devastation-type violence coming up. Don´t say I didn´t warn you.
> 
> If you want more HeHuaLian tidbits that could fit into this series go check out the following chapters from Daozang´s Scrap Collection: 
> 
> [Chapter 1: Tumblr prompt “I love you, I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you.” (HeLian)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26282122/chapters/63983608)  
> [Chapter 2: Tumblr prompt "You´re cuddly" (HeHua)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26282122/chapters/63983689)  
> [Chapter 6: Under Pressure (HeHuaLian) ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26282122/chapters/64002169)  
> [Chapter 7: Of Promises and Dreams (HeHuaLian)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26282122/chapters/64088941)  
> [Chapter 8: Wedding robes (HeHuaLian) ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26282122/chapters/64088977)  
> [Chapter 11: Until It Sleeps (HeLian/HeHuaLian)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26282122/chapters/64760650)
> 
> Things from Whumptober2020 that can go here:
> 
> [Chapter 6: No.6: Please...( “Stop, please”; TGCF)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26748397/chapters/65487208)   
>  [Chapter 7: No.7 : I´ve got you (Support; TGCF)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26748397/chapters/65538499)

When you take one God and two Devastations and put them together and make them fall in love a lot of good things will usually happen: Fun things, naughty things, surprising things and joyful things. Usually. But also, when you put two Devastations together who are susceptible and sensitive to the changing and ebb of power all around them, one more so then the other, you might end up with days where egos clash too and sometimes their inherently violent nature breaks through, ending in a fight. Usually it´s nothing that a little bit of sparring can´t cure, especially with the ever vigilant eye of their own God to keep them in check and reign them back in when things get too violent in the heat of the moment. Oftentimes they just spar for fun, Xie Lian is a Martial God born for fight after all and he craves the challenge of it just as much as his Devastations sometimes crave violence.

Hua Cheng is the most powerful of the three of them in terms of raw unbridled power and a force to be reckoned with with a saber, especially his E-Ming, not to mention his butterflies while Xie Lian is an expert of any weapon you would put into his hands, the sword merely being his favorite, not the only one he has mastered. The Martial God might be a lightweight when it came to spiritual powers, him giving up on his way of cultivation for love and the lack of followers the reason for this, but what he lacked in raw power he made up for with pure skill and grace. He Xuan used no weapons but his own powers and a small dagger he kept in his sleeve, usually for cutting his fingers for drawing arrays, and while he might have the upper hand over Hua Cheng in his own, waterlogged domain he was at a disadvantage whenever they spared on dry ground. But that didn´t necessarily mean that Hua Cheng would be the one to win their fights. After all, posing as the Earthmaster for centuries meant Black Water Sinking Ships had to know his way around seals and sigils and arrays of any kind, first to keep himself hidden and second to give the appearance of actually controlling an element that wasn´t his own. Being a scholar at heart still he had taken to the task like a fish to water…and he sure as hell wasn´t above using whatever nasty tricks he learned from the old scrolls he loved to study so much.

He Xuan was a trickster when they played –Xie Lian called it sparring, but really, it was more for fun then actual training, a way for them to get rid of some energy- not so much caring about winning but just about causing as much mischief as possible. Like transforming Xie Lian´s sword into a fish midstrike, confusing the God and Hua Cheng, who was about to pary, enough for Crimson Rain Sought Flower to actually get smacked in the face with a trout. He Xuan did have to forfeit this win though as he was laughing too hard to even keep standing, barely managing to conjure up a small bubble of water for the poor fish when Xie Lian was worried that it would suffocate.   
Hua Cheng did have his moments of mischief too, he loved using his butterflies to try and distract them, having them fly underneath their clothes to tickle –worked against He Xuan, who always denied being ticklish- or try and lift up their robes –worked against Xie Lian, who, even after decades of marriage, simply couldn´t let go of his last bits of modesty-. He also loved to shapeshift midfight, transforming himself into a variety of animal shapes or whatever else might be useful at the moment, the shape of a small, one eyed fox his favorite because it never failed to make Xie Lian coo at him in delight, happily putting away his sword to pet the soft fur on his belly instead. Hua Cheng called it a tactic, He Xuan called it a shameless ploy to be called cute. Usually right before he started to scratch behind Hua Cheng´s ears.

Xie Lian insisted that he´d never use any kind of such unfair tricks …after all, he didn´t need to, the only thing he ever had to do to make his husbands lose their concentration was to smile at them after all. Or ´accidentially´ brush too close. Or maybe quickly pull them close enough for a kiss. And no matter how much He Xuan and Hua Cheng tried to call him out on this he always insisted on it being an accident, just his affection for his husbands being too much to control, wide eyed and innocent but for his smile, which would have made any fox spirit proud. 

This was when they were happy, just playing around in the sunshine with not a single care in the world for once, leaving all work and responsibilities behind them for a couple of hours, usually ending with them snuggling together, watching the sunset before He Xuan would inevitably declare himself starving and insist on being fed. Usually around the same time that Xie Lian would yawn and start to look drowsy.

But this time they weren´t playing.

Hua Cheng barely manages to dodge the next wave of waterlogged dirt He Xuan throws at him, the soft earth made lethal by countless splintered trees and branches sticking out of it at weird angles, moving as unpredictable as their master. His dice had done him dirty this time, depositing the both of them in the midst of a desolate stretch of land during torrential rain, giving He Xuan an advantage even though there were no actual bodies of water around. And as long as there was enough water to saturate the earth he was directing it was basically just a more solid wave for him, as easy as if they were fighting on the beach. 

Hua Cheng hisses in pain as something bites his leg, his sabre automatically swinging down and severing the spine of one of Black Water´s bone fish, sneakily hidden between bits of greenery and dirt. It´s the second time already he has been bitten, sharp, poisonous teeth still logged into the thick flesh right beneath his knee, the long dead remnant of a fish still heeding it´s master´s orders even though it´s nothing more then bits of a boney head by now. It mirrors the position of the one that had been on his other leg already and Hua Cheng can feel himself slow down slightly due to the numbing effect oft he poison Black Water liked to use on their teeth. It won´t kill him –no poison could- but he knew from painful experience that it would force him to slow down enough to be an easy catch for Black Water. Which meant he was running out of time..

„…sorry A-Xuan.“

With a small gesture his Butterflies regroup, going from passivley trying to hinder He Xuan´s advance to actively attacking him into a split second, forcing him to change course with a curse and pull back his wave, using it to shield himself from sharp wings instead of attacking Hua Cheng. His rage makes him sloppy, allowing some Butterflies to get past his defence and Hua Cheng can feel something in his chest contract painfully as he can feel them tear into Black Water´s flesh before the Devastation´s next hastily sketched sigil turns them into nothing but dust. He hates having to use his Butterflies on He Xuan, hates having to actually hurt him but he was left with no choice, the numbness in his legs spreading slowly but unstoppable, making him dangerously drowsy. 

The momentary distraction of the Butterflies is enough for Crimson Rain to break through Black Water´s crumbling defense, E-Ming ready to knock out the raging Devastation for good…and he knows he made a grave mistake the moment he can see He Xuan´s face change from seemingly blind rage to triumphant, feral grin in a split second, golden eyes dead and unrecognizable in his pale face streaked with dirt and blood. Hua Cheng sees the trap too late, He Xuan ruthlessly taking advantage of his compromised field of vision, his feet already entangled in earth suddenly turned soft, the dagger slipping out of He Xuan´s sleeve into his readily waiting hand on the wrong side of his body for him to block with E-Ming without slicing the other Devastation in half. Hua Cheng feels his heart drop - Black Water going for his blind spots without a second thought, baiting and tricking him like this is not a good sign at all- and goes pliant, readying himself for the pain…and He Xuan hesitates.

It´s just a second, barely there but Hua Cheng has seen golden eyes flicker in recognition and horror, using the last of his momentum to crash into He Xuan, toppling them both onto the soft ground, Hua Cheng´s hands firmly around He Xuan´s wrists, pressing them down and making him let go of the dagger. Black Water´s face immediately turns feral again, snarling with wordless rage at Crimson rain atop of him, trying to buck him off but the soft mud underneath them that trapped Hua Cheng before turns into a disadvantage for him now, preventing him to get enough traction to throw the heavier Devastation off. 

Hua Cheng is holding on for dear life, using his whole body to press Black Water into the mud. They have been in this position before many times whenever one of them needed the outlet of a true fight and usually this is enough to distract them and let them exhaust their energies in other ways but fighting. And so Hua Cheng hopes it will work this time too as he grinds down mercilessly, leaning down to bite He Xuan´s neck and force him into submission...only to flinch back with a curse, nearly losing bits of his ear when he gets too close to Black Water´s oh so white and oh so -sharp- teeth, the Devastation underneath him very clearly not in favor of any kind of solution that would lead to less bruises and more satisfaction for them both.

Hua Cheng looses hold of one of He Xuan´s wrists momentarily and this time the Devastation doens´t hesitate as he gropes for his lost dagger in the soft mud, not even caring that he grips it by the blade instead of the hilt cutting his own hand deeply when he swings the knife with unerring precision at Hua Cheng´s one good eye, ruthlessly taking advantage of one of Crimson Rain´s true weaknesses. Hua Cheng recoils involuntarily, and so the dagger only manages to catch him in the temple, splitting the skin and making Hua Cheng´s vision go red with blood, his head spinning dizzily from the sheer force of the blow. He can feel He Xuan slipping from underneath him now that his grip is gone and in a last desperate effort he calls for his Butterflies, having them pile onto Black Water until he is pressed down in the mud again, the only parts of him not covered by seething silver wings his face and his chest.

Hua Cheng clumsily wipes the blood from his eye with muddy fingers, his legs too numb by now to stand up and his head dizzy with more then He Xuan´s last blow. He knows he has run out of time, he needs to get Black Water Sinking Ships back under control now or he will loose conciousness, leaving the mad Devastation to do as he pleases. When he had grabbed onto a snappishly cruel He Xuan in Paradise Manor transporting them here he had hoped that this was just another one of his usual temper flares, triggered by whatever weird flux of power currently was bothering him and not one of his rare, true episodes of madness. No one knew what triggered those, not even He Xuan himself who was just as helpless to stop them as his lovers were. What they did know was this: He Xuan in a bad mood was like a sudden wave, dangerous to a degree and uncontrollable but over and gone just as quickly as it appeared once he found an outlet for his restless energies, usually a fight-turned-fuck with Hua Cheng. Black Water Sinking Ships in one of his mad rages was a typhoon, a coldly calculating, ruthless tempest that knew neither friend nor foe and would continue to wreak havoc for days until it had finally run it´s course, leaving nothing but destrcution in it´s wake.   
And Hua Cheng knows there is only one way to stop him, as much as he hates it.

He Xuan knows what´s coming when Hua Cheng´s Butterflies tear apart the last bits of the tattered robe over his chest, exposing his tattoos...and with them the seal he had cut into his own flesh so long ago, able to seal his core fully and make him essentially powerless. He had put it there to keep his powers hidden while masking himself as the Earthmaster..and he had kept it there exactly for these types of situations, when he was too far gone for his lovers to reach him and they needed a way to stop him for good.

"...A-Cheng..."

Hua Cheng can feel something in his chest tear in pain at the familar endearment, usually reserved for softer things then this when they´re gentle with each other, not trying to tear each other apart, He Xuan´s plea so hard to ignore even after all that happened today. Hua Cheng knows that what he is about to do will hurt, worse then all the damage his Butterflies could ever do...but Crimson Rain Sought Flower knows he can´t trust He Xuan right now, as much as he loves him.

"I´m sorry A-Xuan..believe me this hurts me more then it hurts you."

"Hn. I doubt that." Black Water Sinking Ship´s voice is as cold as the abyss, all pretense of vulnerability and repentence gone the instant he can see they have no effect on Hua Cheng kneeling over him. His golden eyes are filled with nothing but hatred, something old and insane stirring at the bottom of the Abyss, teeth bared in a snarl as he tries in vain to get out from underneath the Butterflies and Hua Cheng closes his eye as he pushes the ball of energy he has gathered between his hands right into the center of He Xuan´s chest, activating the seal.

He Xuan screams, his body going tight as a bowstring in one violent, powerful jerk, finally throwing Hua Cheng of of him, thrashing helplessly in the Butterfly´s relentless grip as the seals energy pours through his body like molten gold , blocking of each and every accupoint needed to access his spiritual core, one after the other.

Hua Cheng is curled tightly into a ball next to him, hands pressed to his ears in an useless effort to block out the screams. The whole process will only take a few seconds but to Hua Cheng it feels like eternity and only when He Xuan finally grows silent again does he open his eye, clumsily wiping at the tear tracks on his mudstreaked face as he crawls over to his lover, laying motionlessly on the soft ground. He Xuan is as still as the dead, unmoving and unbreathing but his eyes are still open when Hua Cheng uses the last bit of his strength to pull him close and drag him into his lap, his now dim, light brown eyes confused and hurt and lost, ripping what was left of Hua Cheng´s heart into shreds.

"I´m sorry YuYu, I had to.."

He gets no response to his broken apology, He Xuan´s eyes growing dimmer while the last bits of inhibiting energy course through his body, locking him down completely and he grows slack in Hua Cheng´s arms, eyes finally falling closed. Hua Cheng pulls him even closer, gently kissing his closed eyelids and putting their foreheads together while closing his own eye in exhaustion, feverently wishing for Xie Lian to be there with them. He must be worried sick by now, left behind at home because both Devastations plainly refuse to have him anywhere near when they fight, always scared of accidentially getting him caught in the crossfire. And Hua Cheng will not call for him until He Xuan wakes and is himself again as much as it hurts to be alone right now. As small as it is there is always the theoretical danger of madness still burning behind He Xuan´s eyes when he wakes. And even when his powers are locked away and he can´t do any physical harm he would still be dangerous, having intimate knowledge of their deepest secrets and deepest fears...and He Xuan would rather burn his own ashes then subject them to this, Hua Cheng knows.

And so he has his Butterflies drag them close to a boulder that survived their fight to lean against, his lower body completely useless by now, paralyzed by the poison of He Xuan´s fish. He aches all over, bruised and cut and bitten and poisoned and as much as he tries to stay awake he must have dozed off for a while at some point, waking to the feel of gentle fingertips at his temple, cold and soft and for a moment he thinks that Xie Lian must have found them anyway. But when he opes his weary eye, caked with blood and swollen from the blow to his temple there are only dull, light brown eyes instead of his prince´s amber one´s to look at. He Xuan is awake and crying, absolutely silent, no sobs or hiccups to betray him, just tears running down his face in big fat drops as he gently strokes Hua Cheng´s face.

And dull his eyes might be, devoid of the usual power laying behind them, but they´re clear and full of remorse and self-hatred and before He Xuan can open his mouth and start apologizing Hua Cheng pulls him in, tilting his head so he can kiss him, fiercely and hungrily, greedily licking at the soft insides of He Xuan´s mouth and biting at the soft flesh of his lips until they both can taste fresh blood, as salty as the sea.

´It´s alright´ the kiss says, `We are what we are´ and ´I love you´. 

When they finally break apart there is a little less pain in He Xuan´s eyes even though it will need a lot more reassurance and kindness from the people he loves before he will be able to let go of this as just another unfortunate episode in his life that has been dealt with and left no permanent harm. But Hua Cheng does not have to do this by himself and he is in dire need of some loving reassurance himself, having been forced to hurt He Xuan so...and so he pulls him close again for another, soft kiss before groping for his dice, relief and exhaustion evident in his voice.

"...let´s go home Yuyu?"

"...yes. Lets."


	2. A Small Kindness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is also a tumblr prompt fill for [zlodziej-wlasnej-tozsamosci](https://zlodziej-wlasnej-tozsamosci.tumblr.com/) ,the prompt was "Can you brush my hair?" for the Poly Pile. Hope you like it ^^  
> I originally wanted to make this into two chapters, but decided to make one longer-ish chapter instead of two shorter ones because.

It takes Hua Cheng a small moment before he realizes he isn´t alone anymore, startling slightly when he registers movement out oft he corner of his still swollen, single eye. It´s the first time he has dared to leave Xie Lian and He Xuan alone together after they had crashed right into the middle of their God and Yin Yu having a sparring match -something Xie Lian often did when he was nervous and worried about his husbands- in a tangle of bloody limbs and mud, his dice heeding his order of ´take us to gege` perfectly. Poor Yin Yu nearly had gotten his arm broken with how mercilessly and rudely Xie Lian had disarmed him midstrike, carelessly dropping his own sword at the same time and already halfway across the room before the other God had even realized what was happening, Xie Lian´s eyes wide with blooming panic at the sight of them. 

He Xuan had lost conciousness again, the pull of Hua Cheng´s transportation spell too much for him, a dead, motionless weight in his arms. And oh how Hua Cheng had envied him that, he would have given anything to not be able to see the flash of pure, endless fear in his Beloved´s eye at the state of them. He Xuan with his seal applied brutally like that felt like a wet clump of clay devoid of any spark to their senses, a truly dead thing and Xie Lian´s hands were frantic as he sent a bit of his own energy through the still form cradled in Hua Cheng´s arms, having to make sure that while his spiritual energy might be blocked his meridians were still intact. Only after that did his shoulders relax the tiniest bit, his core of steel taking over as he methodically mapped their injuries, only allowing himself a soft, pained ´oh my sweet San Lang..´when he carefully inspected the damage to his good eye. He knew what an injury in this area means, a He Xuan that was himself would -never- deliberately injure Hua Cheng like that, that eye was absolutely taboo and he would personally go for the throat of anybody trying to use Crimson Rain´s handicap to their advantage. 

Hua Cheng was still drowsy from the remnants of the poison running through his body and exhausted from their fight and the emotional toll it brought with it so he lets Xie Lian take over, leaning heavily on Yin Yu with still numb legs while Xie Lian carefully picked up He Xuan to carry him to their private chambers. He would usually not allow Yin Yu to step into their private suite, not unless there was an emergency, but Xie Lian couldn´t take care of both of them at the same time and Yin Yu was silent and unobtrusive like always, carefully helping him to get rid of the mud and most of the blood while Xie Lian did the same to He Xuan. The disgraced God did not touch Crimson Rain´s face, it would be a suicidal move with Hua Cheng already injured and on edge, he just bowed and left as silently as a shadow when Hua Cheng dismissed him. It only took a few more minutes until Xie Lian brought over a still sleeping Black Water, mostly clean and dressed in soft sleeping robes, his hand bandaged tightly and settled him into bed next to where Hua Cheng was sitting, gently pushing a few strands of hair out of He Xuan´s face before getting up again to get a basin of cool, clean water together with some soft cloth and their medicinal tray.

"Tell me what happened."

Xie Lian does not need to ask what happened for Hua Cheng to see the need to seal their lover like this, the reasoning clear to see in the pattern of injury on Hua Cheng´s skin. He asks because he knows Hua Cheng needs to tell him, explain the reasons why he had no choice but to take such drastic measures, hurting their lover like this, more as a justification for himself then for Xie Lian. Xie Lian was silent through all of this, gently cleaning Hua Cheng´s face, spiritual power warm against his skin as he tries to bring down the swelling around Hua Cheng´s good eye so he can see better...only when the first tears start to fall did Xie Lian put away his cloth and his herbs and pulled his husband close, letting him old onto him and sob into his ruined robes, smeared with both of his Devastation´s blood. They might seem like water and fire sometimes, his Devastations, opposite part of the spectrum that could never be anything else but adversaries...but Xie Lian knows better. They might not say the words out loud but to him it was clear to see how much they loved each other, Crimson Rain Sought Flower and Black Water Sinking Ships.

And so Xie Lian will put aside his own pain and fear and hurt for now and let them curl around him as if he was the only thing still keeping them tied to this world and they might just lose hold and disappear if they ever let go of him. Xie Lian sighed as he pulls them both onto the bed, arranging them so that He Xuan is between them, himself needing the reassurance of feeling his body against his now that they can´t feel him any other way just as much as he knows Hua Cheng does. They have long and draining days ahead of them with many tears and silent suffering yet to come and he knows the best way to spend these days is sleeping. It will take days for the seal on He Xuan to weaken again, and until he isn´t back to being fully himself again, Hua Cheng will not be at ease either. Xie Lian gently reaches to stroke through unruly black hair, Hua Cheng already half asleep with exhaustion.

"Sleep my love. Both of you are safe and secure and I will not allow anything to happen to both of you while I am here..."

And so they had spent most of the last two days: Curled together on their bed, with He Xuan only waking for small amounts of time here and there, wan and unspeaking and unresponsive to everyone and everything but Xie Lian, not even so much as daring to look at Hua Cheng most of the time, the swollen bruise around his single eye an ugly reminder of his loss of control. 

This is the first time he has gotten up ever since they came back, He Xuan always moves silently and now, with his power still locked tight under his self inflicted seal he is barely noticeable at all.

„A-Xuan, you startled me. Is everything alright?“

He Xuan just stares at him, a tiny bit of his usual snark showing in his raised eyebrow for a moment before dying a quick death again, his voice devoid of any of his usual sarcasm, as dead as his still too light brown eyes. 

„Define alright.“

Hua Cheng grins helplessly at that. It has barely been two days since he had to seal He Xuan during one of his rare bouts of true madness and they´re both still bruised and hurt from their fight, tiptoeing around each other unsure of what to do after the initial bout of clinginess. Xie Lian is usually the one to look after their resident Water Demon until they´re both a little more themselves again and can pretend nothing ever much happened. And Xie Lian should be with He Xuan right now too, Hua Cheng had left them curled up on the bed to take care of some business, Xie Lian reading and He Xuan sleeping. But before Hua Cheng can ask He Xuan provides the answer to his next question on his own.

„A-Lian fell asleep. He has been so tired, I didn´t want to wake him up.“

He can hear the self accusation in He Xuan´s voice –Xie Lian, tired and distressed because of him- and finally puts away his calligraphy brush, turning fully to face his lover properly. He Xuan must want something to come to him then instead of waiting for Xie Lian to wake up and he puts aside his instinctive want to reassure him for a moment.

„What do you need then A-Xuan?“

He Xuan averts his gaze, opting to stare at some point in front of Hua Cheng´s feet instead of his eye, hiding his hands behind his back and his uncharacteristic timidness makes Hua Cheng itch in all the wrong places. This is not his Black Water Sinking Ships who usually doens´t care for anything much and who probably had to look up the meaning of shy in one of his beloved dictionaries when he met Xie Lian for the first time and Hua Cheng wants nothing more then to have his snarky, shameless asshole of a husband back. Anything is better then this wan shadow really.

„…can you brush my hair?“

One of He Xuan´s hands comes out of hiding, holding what Hua Cheng recognizes as his favorite comb between the heavily bandaged fingers and he blinks once in confusion before lifting his hand and reaching for He Xuan, waiting for him to hand over the comb. It is an unusual request, at least directed at him, He Xuan loves getting his hair played with and it is usually Xie Lian who gets bullied into doing his customary ponytail in the mornings, not Hua Cheng. But it has also been a few days since anybody has brushed it at all, they had cleaned what they could of blood and mud when they first brought him home but after that it has been left to its own devices, resembling a bird´s nest more then He Xuan´s usually slick, soft tresses. And with his dominant hand still bandaged up tightly He Xuan couldn´t do it himself…even though Hua Cheng guessed that this wasn´t his primary point for coming to him with this request.

„Come here then and sit down YuYu…your hair is a mess that will take me a while.“

He Xuan is silent when he walks over and silent when he hands over his comb and sits down between Hua Cheng´s legs, his back to him and Hua Cheng tries very hard to pretend that this is just an every day occurence for both of them, carefully separating a few strands and starting to detangle them from the ends up. He Xuan´s hair –is- a mess and it takes Hua Cheng quite a while to make some headway even though it is obvious that without a proper wash and some oils he won´t be able to do too much.  
It does not matter anyway. Because at some point He Xuan´s arm has snaked around one of his legs, his cheek now resting against Hua Cheng´s knee, slightly above where the skin still shows marks from the sharp teeth embedded in it not too long ago and when he can feel warm droplets soaking through the thin cloth of his pants he finally gives up any pretense of combing and slides down from the slow bench he had been sitting on, pulling He Xuan into a proper hug, burying his face into the still tangled, dirty mop of hair in front of him. He Xuan is alarmingly warm in his arms, the effects of the brutally applied seal making him feverish and Hua Cheng slides one of his own cold hands underneath the thick hair, resting it against He Xuan´s neck in an effort to make him more comfortable.

„You´re very warm Yuyu, want to to have a dip in your pool?“

He Xuan shakes his head slightly, using the back of his bandaged hand to wipe across his face before looking up, studying Hua Cheng´s face intently.

„No, not right now. Later maybe.“ he amends, his uninjured hand coming up to very gently caress the puffy, angry red flesh above Hua Cheng´s one good eye. The cut has healed already but the swelling would probably take another day or two to finally go down completely, leaving him squinting. Hua Cheng holds very still, partly out of instinct –something being close to his only eye always made him at least slightly nervous- partly as to not startle He Xuan into withdrawing again. This is the first time he has touched him out of his own volition since they returned after all and Hua Cheng doesn´t want to spook him.

„Does it hurt?“

„Just a little. It looks worse then it is, honestly.“

„Hn.“

He Xuan very clearly does not believe him, bending forward to very gently place a kiss, first against the bruised skin of his remaining eye, then against the scarred ruin of where his other one used to be before he tore it out in his own fit of madness, gently lifting Hua Cheng´s eyepatch to do so before replacing it equally carefully.

„ I am sorry.“

Hua Cheng opens his mouth to protest but a thin finger pushes against his lips, keeping him from speaking.

„No, let me say it.“

He obediently closes his mouth again, kissing the fingertip instead before leaning his head into He Xuan´s hand. What attacked him and hurt him hadn´t been his He Xuan, playful and sarcastic and loving in his own special way, but something old and insane, the remnants of the demons he devoured so long ago rearing their ugly heads at the bottom of the Abyss he created out of them and temporarily managing to overwhelm their master. It wasn´t He Xuan´s fault and so Hua Cheng didn´t require any kind of apology of him for things that hadn´t been under his control after all. But if it would make him feel better he would listen.

„Stop that. I can see that you are just humoring me. Bastard.“

There is the smallest sparkle of –his- He Xuan in those oh so wrong brown eyes when he gets poked in the forehead and Hua Cheng feels something deep inside him unclench, sponatenously leaning forward to kiss He Xuan onto his too warm lips, keeping their foreheads together and wishing for a moment that Black Water had never grown out of the habit of breathing so he could feel his breath on his skin, a reminder that they´re both still alive even if that hasn´t been true for a long time now. He does this with Xie Lian too when they´re both feeling raw and unsure, just staying close like this breathing the same air for a few minutes even though neither of them needs it anymore. And as much as He Xuan sometimes scoffs at them being lovey-dovey like that this time it is him humoring Hua Cheng instead.

And Crimson Rain can feel Black Water´s chest rise with the first breath in what surely must have been centuries, the resulting soft trickle of air across his face uneven and wavering as if he has forgotten how to do so after all this time. But bodies are a weird thing, even magical and dead ones like their own and they will remember many things if given the chance and it doens´t take long for He Xuan´s body to remember what it was like when he still needed air moving through his lungs, his breath evening out and synching up with Hua Cheng´s at some point. They stay like this for a while, leaning against each other and breathing each other´s air before He Xuan finally speaks again.

„I –am- sorry A-Cheng. I´d say I didn´t mean to hurt you like this but I would be lying. I meant to hurt you and I meant to do much worse things to you then this too. You are truly lucky I didn´t manage to take out your eye and I would have ripped you apart laughing if you hadn´t taken me out and whatever and whoever else would have been too stupid and come to close too. You had no choice but to seal me. So do us both a favor and stop blaming yourself alright?“

He has cupped Hua Cheng´s face in both of his hands, the bandage rough against Hua Cheng´s bruised skin, his eyes deadly serious for once with just the tiniest hint of gold shining through. Hua Cheng´s face turns stubborn.

„Only if you stop blaming yourself for hurting me when you were not in control of yourself.“

He Xuan snorts at that and Hua Cheng thinks this might be the most beautiful sound aside from Xie Lian´s voice he has heard in the last two days.

„Well, then I guess the both of us will just continue to mope until A-Lian beats some sense back into us, right?“

Hua Cheng smiles, for the first time since he dragged He Xuan to that muddy field, and kisses his nose.

„Right. Now, do you want me to continue with your hair? You look like something the cat dragged in. After drowning it in a muddy pool first. “

„Fuck you too Crimson Rain“

He Xuan cuddles close, obediently turning around so his back is facing Hua Cheng again, leaning against the sinewy legs surrounding him, humming a wordless tune while playing with a loose thread on his bandages, golden-hued brown eyes half closed like a contented cat as Hua Cheng continues to work his way through the tangles.

And Xie Lian smiles in his little alcove, hidden from his Devastation´s eyes behind one of the many curtains in Paradise Manor and silently retreats his steps back to the bedroom he had left a while ago, in search of He Xuan. They would be fine on their own for a while…even though Xie Lian would never be able to understand how an insult and a curse could translate to ´I love you´and `I love you too.´

Devastations, really.


End file.
